I have a high performing direct that likes to complain a lot. Specifically she complains about how I execute the agile PM method because it does not suit her working style. Her communication is weak and she wants me to tailor it to a style that's suitable to her. She has no filter, so she complains to me about it in our 1:1s. I kindly explains the reasoning but also offer to sort it out during our team retrospective meetings, the way devs can affect change in the process.
What's s problem is that my boss is a fan of 1:1s but she wants skip 1:1s monthly with all her skips. The gal takes the filter off and gives my boss an earful, even though I work hard at the relationship. Luckily, my boss knows she's a problem (she also has conflict with 1 fellow direct). Even though my boss knows she's a problem, this feedback comes
In the form of "did you say X to her?" Uh no I didn't. Always something nuts.
So far, my stance to my boss has been: you know about how she is, but I do have to consider all feedback. Thanks for telling me."
My boss knows she's a good dev but has mentioned that she could imagine her going away in the mid-term. I mention that only to illustrate what my boss thinks of her.
My thought is to accelerate her departure.
Advice?
T
Hi. You make no mention about
Hi. You make no mention about providing systemic feedback to the direct regarding her behaviour in you post so i can only assume this is something you're not doing? From what you have written - it sounds like you have gone from zero to termination too quickly and I would suggest you need to spend time providing both feedback and if neccessary some coaching in order to try and address her behaviour before moving towards a termination process. Good luck
Best Regards
ERP
I have the same problem - and I need help
I have a team of 12, and one of my directs (Who is a manager herself, and manages a small team herself), also gives my boss an earful because this she is unhappy with things. This gets relayed to me of course. and I do not appreciate it at all.
She is a decent manager, but has a really tough job, managing a small group of people who are not really underperforming, but just coasting along, just getting by - where the team needs to be powered by fire-branded individuals who want to take the company forward. She is frustrated, and takes it out and blames everyone - me included, and her small team is equally uninspired by me. It is not easy to find them another rotation in the company, and terminating them is something I do not want to do (They are supporting their families etc.)
I don't like it the fact that it doesn't come up in our weekly 1:1s, and when I hear about issues in 1:1s , it has already progressed very far, and I don't get to step in, in time.
I have no issues with all my other DRs, only this one.
I half feel like terminating her team, but I feel this is the absolute last resort. How should I go about things? In particular these areas:
1. Should I confront her about being more upfront in her 1:1s rather than voicing out issues in public?
2. Should I seek to replace her team eventhough they are sole breadwinners for their families?
Feedback and coaching
A high performer who has complains, has no filter, and struggles on the relationship side of work - never heard that before (sarcastic emoticon here). I feel your pain.
I agree with ERP_Programme_M. This is a behavior that can change. In this scenario, your solution is implemented through feedback and coaching.
Try the solutions in this cast.
https://www.manager-tools.com/2010/01/how-manage-arrogant-producer
Circling back
Circling back to tell you all how this worked out.
I realized that when she started complaining to my boss, this was no longer just annoying. It was becoming a performance problem about me. A lightbulb lit in my head, and I realized, I've gotta do something about this person. Every time she'd talk to my boss, I'd have to do a debrief, getting asked about things I said to her, did I take her suggestion for X or Y? etc. It was terrible, and reflecting badly on me as not having my team under control.
I hadn't rolled out the feedback model just yet, but I needed to act on this, so I did use the Feedback Model slightly out of context. During a 1:1, I let her have her time, then I took mine. I told her that I had some feedback for her, and gave it to her in a "behavioral" way, very much in the form that Manager Tools recommends. Part of my feedback included cause/effect of her going to my boss and giving her an earful.
"When you complain to me incessantly, I struggle sorting noise from good insight..."
"When you complain to my boss, she has to come right to me and address it with me. When that happens, I have to defend my decisions, help her understand that I'm aware of the complaint already and explain my reasoning for not taking all of your heavy-handed suggestions. That makes me unhappy with you because I make a point to spend time with you."
Slightly more polite than that, but literally that blunt. I had a list of 2-3 tough chunks of feedback. I will tell you this: It worked! The immediate reaction was tears. I didnt talk to her for a couple days directly. I got a ton of apology (combined with a bit of spin/excuses) about a week later. Things cooled off immediately.
I was getting walked on. When i showed her some consequences and helped her realize she had to answer for actions, a whole new ballgame. She tried to play this card on me: these complaints are not mine. im just the one to speak up. My response: Speak for yourself. I don't accept that.
The other thing that I learned is that the person with this style can generally tolerate the feedback that I had for them. On top of that, I felt much happier and my boss was impressed with how I reigned her in.
Good job!
Good job!
The old canard "these complaints are not mine" is a classic dodge used to avoid accountability. I once had a direct who, among her other charms, would start sentences with the phrase, "People are starting to talk." That meant she was about to spread a nasty rumor about someone but it wasn't her spreading the rumor, it was those "people" who were "talking."
Great Close Out & Thank You
coletc: Thanks for circling back with this. I have just had a massive lightbulb moment with a very similar situation I had last year. I've just slapped myself on the forehead reading this!
Proper "Duh Tim!" moment
In reply to Great Close Out & Thank You by Tim Rutter
Funny
Go Tim. Good testimimonial to what MT has taught me in a few months