Hi all,
Please excuse the typos. I'm on a smartphone. I need to to address some issues with a DR in this week's O3. However, he is pretty much convinced that this isn't an issue and doesn't listen when I point out this unacceptable behavior in real time. I'm looking for advice on how to firmly let him know this won't be tolerated without demoralizing him.
The unacceptable behavior: it's a bunch of little things, that when added together, ends up with an employee who wastes a lot of time on things that don't matter. My DR has to always be right, and has to always get the last word, no matter how petty. Once in awhile, I can work around it. But every single day, it is something. He disrupts staff meetings, argues with me in front of others. It adds up.
Here is an example. Last week, I asked him for a restaurant recommendation for a business meeting we were both attending. I wasn't familiar with the area and he was. He sent me a list of 15 restaurants and links. Already he spent way more time on a fairly irrelevant task. I clicked the link at the top of the list, looked at the menu, told him this one would be fine. Could he work with my admin to make reservations? He replied, "I don't think you want that one". I'm already growing annoyed, because I know what's coming next. Like I said, he does this daily. I take the bait and ask why wouldn't I want to use the recommendation that I asked for and you provided? He says because it's a $100+ a head. I resist pointing out that it was terrible judgement of him to provide such a recommendation, and instead made a comment about why that explains why there are no prices on the menu. Now he's got the opening he was looking for. He quickly jumps on the computer and shows where the prices are hidden on a different page and starts to argue with me about why I didn't read the menu. Now he isn't only wasting time, he's being insubordinate.
I need this this to stop. He's a good producer when he isn't intentionally wasting time and trying to prove me wrong over inconsequential things.
Just don't argue
It's hard to give general direction, but I could point out how I might have handled your example.
I've been in similar situations with my directs. When there's one or more glaringly obvious errors with a task (such as getting a list of 15 restaurants instead of 1 recommendation), don't pick any of them. Give him feedback that you asked him to make a recommendation, and that the task was not completed. Then, be clear with what your expectations are (I want 1 recommendation), and ask him to work it out with your admin. Better yet, for the "reporting" part of the task, tell him to just send you the reservation info. Make it clear to him that the last one is the deliverable, and nothing else.
Don't assume that he's being intentionally disruptive. He might lack confidence in his decisions, or think that he needs to give you lots of options. If you express annoyance, then he feels as though he's done his best, but you're unreasonably criticizing him for trying to keep you in the loop.
Seems like a high D complain on a high C behaviour
My guess is he is a high C and you are a high D. Have you listen to the disc podcast? If you haven't, listen to them. It would probably be good for your DR to listen to. But I wouldn't start there. I would start with what I should change in my behavior to improve his performance. It is very difficult for a high C to make a decision for somebody else when not all information has been given. Some will always want more info, but most will improve significantly with more specific requests from high C, high D bosses.
There is a lot unspoken in the question: "give me a recommendation of a restaurant." You could have given him the price range you were thinking about. You can also ask and say: "on the top of your head, without doing any elaborate search do you know any restaurant around this are we could go for a business meeting?" And get the answer right there, and if he can't tell him not to worry about it then. You need to be more specific, give better guidelines and help your high c direct make decisions.
Feedback?
Are you giving him feedback, consistently? Both positive and negative?
Scott Delinger
DiSC: 5137
Thanks for the feedback
Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it. I am familiar with the disc podcast and would consider my dr a High C who really wants to be an S. I'm probably due a refresh of that podcast and will queue it up.
As far as the restaurant example above, I don't want to spend much time on it since it was the most petty example I could think of off the top of my head. But I did look at how I could be more directive when giving similar tasks that were fairly meaningless in my interactions with him over the past week. Some of the time, the deliverables were met, but he has become even more argumentative. Here is another example of a very simple task that he has managed to turn into a pain in the rear just on Friday:
I was finalizing a job description for a summer intern. He/she would be working on a very specific task and I wanted to make sure I got input from my team on the right balance of skills, since they are more involved in this task on a day to day basis. I pulled my DR aside in the hallway, told him I was finalizing this, and when he performs task 123, could he give me an idea of the ratio of skill A to skill B. Then he starts with, "you can't do A if you aren't skilled in B" which is completely untrue (two unrelated skills) but that's irrelevant. He is preparing to go down a philosophical argument. So I'm forced to do something at this point that I despise doing - I cut him off. I like to give a voice, but he was going to pontificate on something for 20 minutes. I am more specific and said, I need a quick answer, right now. Ballpark, how much do you think A is used vs B? Then he starts pointing out how bad a specific coworker is at B. Trying once again to fish a simple answer out of him, I cut him off and say, "I'm hearing you suggest that B may be undervalued because John struggles with it? So maybe a higher mix of B to A?" Then my DR completely shifts gears and starts in that "John's" problems are his politics and he doesn't like John as a person. At this point, any chance of me getting back to the A/B discussion is gone, so I just tell him I need to head to a meeting and excuse myself from his rant fest.
And here is the challenge for me as a manager. I really am beginning to dislike any interaction with him. The nuts and bolts of his job, he does well with. But he doesn't listen to feedback as much as he defends his behavior or blames someone else. He constantly oversteps his bounds of what is appropriate (bringing up a coworker's political views or the insubordination of snapping at his manager for not reading a restaruant's website are just two examples of things that I am surprised anyone would think is appropriate conversation with their boss). It has put me on the defensive, wondering what he will do today. I try very hard not to manage emotionally, but I am human and this guy is becoming a constant struggle.
Suggestion for you
In this case, my first suggestion would to make sure your requests are specific as possible (if you're not already doing that). And be sure to ask for a specific recommendation. Be clear and concise.
Then when/if the direct goes against those clear instructions you give regular feedback. As in "When you give me a list of 15 restaurants when I asked for one, it looks to my like you're not listening. This wastes your time and mine which is better spent on being productive. What can you do differently?"
When they argue or go off on tangents, give feedback on that too.
I also wouldn't accept incomplete work. Next time he sends you a list of 15 don't even read it. Send it back and say "I asked for one. Please make your recommendation and report back."
I know it is tough when you start to really dislike the person. I've been there. Try to remember that the direct is acting in a way that makes sense to them, and most times they aren't trying to be malicious. Assume positive intent. Work with the direct on improving his/her behaviour through the MT feedback (and other) models. You'll get there. You still may not like the person, but at least you'll get the results you want and that will make life a lot smoother.
High C's don't liked being
High C's don't liked being pulled out the hallway and being asked for an opinion on the spot. Don't do it. You won't get anything good out of him under that circumstance. You didn't say what your disc profile is. I guess high D high I. He must be on the opposite end of yours.
You did the right thing in cutting the conversation short. As much as I would try my best modify my behaviour to be efficient with him, I wouldn't give any room for unacceptable behaviour like talking about somebody else's sets of skills in a bad way or wasting time.
You should think that you need different people from you on your team. That is how teams become really good and effective. So look at it as a nice challenge to make it work. You must be flexible on what you can and avoid things that annoy your direct. And be strict on behaviour you really don't want. You can't let it get on your nerves though. You are under no obligation to look for prices on the menu, so if he implies you should have just be cooled and respond next time I expect not to see a restaurant you don't recommend (because of high price) on the list. But don't judge him as lacking respect by responding to you. He doesn't mean it that way. Whenever he gets argumentative the way to cut it short is say "that is ok, I can understand it happened this time, don't let it happen again. And if you think I wasn't clear it is your obligation and right to ask for clarification."
An idea is also for you to share your Disc profile with him and explain to him how you like things communicated. I still think it sounds like it boils down to a communication problem rather then anything else. Don't read further into his behaviour than that. You are only getting annoyed because you are assuming he is being disrespectful and wasting time,. He may just be being him.