Resigning from my Current Role - Family Complications!

Submitted by Ash Winter
in
General Questions and Comments

Hi All

I've just secured a great new role which I'm incredibly excited about and can't wait to get started!

Now I need to negotiate my exit and notice period with my current employer. Here's the complicated part. My employer is my brother and I think he will be fairly hurt that I am leaving.

My brother is the MD of the business and is not my line manager, so I was thinking I should play by the rules and resign via my actual line manager.

Any advice? I've toyed with the idea of speaking to my brother separately but I'm not certain thats the right way to go about it.

Thanks

Ash

 

Submitted by Steve Prothero on Sunday May 20th, 2012 6:13 pm

It is a simple saying but a good one "If you find yourself talking about someone - talk to them".
Next bit is how do you have the conversation and how can you frame it.  There is obviously two levels the family issue and the professional issue - so you could start off by saying there are two levels you need to have the conversation on and then start on the professional level.
A framework you could use is one developed by Gervase Bushe (details in his Book Quiet Leadership) but some coverage of the model here at this link
http://www.slideshare.net/gerryparker/learning-leaders-conflict-and-lea…
In short you cover each of these "aspects" of you desire to move to the new role by raising with your brother
Your observations
Your feelings
Your wants
Your needs
Can be in any order but it will give a full picture for your brother to understand why you are making this choice and provide a deeper understanding.  You will need to do some work and maybe rehears what your going to say but you should find this model will help in any difficult conversation.
Steve Prothero
Truetoyou

Submitted by Falk Bruegmann on Monday May 21st, 2012 12:27 am

About the order of things: If you skip your direct boss and resign to your brother, you are diminishing your direct boss - he loses face. On the other hand, if your brother hears that you resigned from somebody else than you, this might hurt the relationship. How about, for example, arranging two short meetings back-to-back, first with your direct boss to resign, then with your brother to explain yourself?
About how to break the news to your brother: I'm just reading "The Power of a Positive No" by William Ury, who is one of the authors of "Getting to Yes". He suggests that a powerful No should consist of three elements - in your case:

  • A "Yes!" to your own interests in having the job that is right for you.
  • The "No." to continuing to work in your present job.
  • The "Yes?" that expresses the wish to keep and protect the relationship to your brother, regardless of your career decision.

I can highly recommend this book; here is a short summary as a teaser:
http://www.bennadel.com/blog/2015-The-Power-Of-A-Positive-No-How-To-Say-No-And-Still-Get-to-Yes-By-William-Ury.htm
Hope that helps,
  Falk (3-6-4-7)

Submitted by Ash Winter on Tuesday May 22nd, 2012 3:09 am

Thats fantastic guys, thanks for the feedback.
I will speak to my brother separately first and articulate the situation using the guidelines above. I guess it comes back to the question 'how would I feel if the role was reversed?' I think I would want to know first.
Resigning is a tough thing to do, although I'm so looking forward to a new challenge!