Hey there!
I've been starting to use the Feedback model with my peers (since I'm not a manager), and I really like it! First, I was using the starter feedback, but asking (step 1) just sounded weird. Listening to the "peer feedback model" helped me a lot!
I'm still having an issue with the model though. I find it hard to not talk about the past behavior, because it's because of this behavior that I'm doing feedback! I mean, the reason for feedback is that a bad behavior HAPPENED, so how not to mention the past? Is it because of the "when you do" instead of "when you did"? Are we trying to generalise the behavior and speak about what someone can expect from doing something and actually NOT telling them that they did it?
Thanks a lot
Eric
Purpose Versus Cause
Eric-
The PURPOSE of the feedback model is to encourage effective behavior, which is by definition about the future (you can't encourage the past). But the CAUSE of negative feedback IS a difference between the past behavior (ineffective) and future, desired (and effective) behavior. So, we are going to talk about the past ineffective behavior...we're just not going to harp on it, focus on it, punish for it, remind about it excessively.
Yes, we are talking about past behavior: "When you are late", "When you miss deadlines", "When you cut interrupt others". Those are past behaviors. But our purpose here is NOT TO FOCUS ON THEM. We are simply pointing out that someone did something, and it turned out not as we think might be effective. Our reason for saying so is not to revisit the past, but rather to suggest a different future.
And, I'd suggest some caution. Starting with the peer model and doing it poorly can be detrimental to relationships. Remember that the standard model is for directs, and we recommend building strong relationships with those directs FIRST before moving to feedback. I'd encourage you to have EXCELLENT relationships with these peers you're suddenly giving feedback to.
And have you forgotten that 90% of feedback ought to be positive? If you're starting with negative....not good.
What happened to make you really like it?
I'm just curious what experiences you could relate that made you "really like" giving feedback? I LOVE giving encouraging feedback, but it is really hard for me to give the corrective feedback. It never feels good (yet), and I do it because I know I have to do it to get better at it and help the work get done in the most effective way possible. But I don't do it nearly enough. I guess it would be even more uncomfortable to do that with a peer. I'd love to hear some examples of your success.
I would also add that I think Step 1 is a brilliant part of feedback. It asks permission to use someone else's time. I wish more people did that with me! Keep at it!
When My Directs...
...said thank you and got better faster than they ever had before.
Man, I LOVED that.
If I chose not to give it THEN, that meant I was putting personal preference over organizational success. Unprofessional.
So, professional behavior and better results? NO BRAINER.
Sorry, I should have been more specific
about the direction of my question. I meant to ask Eric why he feels so great about his peer feedback, because I have heard Mark say so many times that we managers struggle a lot giving feedback more than the rest of the trinity. I have found that to be true in my case as well. Just wondering why it comes so easily to him so quickly.
Mark, I believe in it. I have listened to hours and hours of podcasts. Will continue to do better and more frequent feedback of both types.
I promise.
Pinkie-swear.
Really.
Huh?
I was answering your question quite directly. You asked "what experiences [I] could relate that made [me] "really like" giving feedback?"
And I did.
I didn't like it because it was mine. I liked it because it worked.
Mark- Thanks for the
Mark-
Thanks for the answers. It's really clear now :) ! I'll try to give more positive feedback in the future!
ZOELLNER-
I don't like to use step 1 in the standard model for peer feedback because as soon as you ask, people (and you) feel like you're trying to control them (being their boss). That's not what you want to do. And you're not "using their time" because feedback (as any communication) is about the listener (keep that in mind) so you shouldn't give them feedback if they are not ready to listen. If the person is busy you might want to ask before talking to him (just like any other conversation) but you're not giving feedback to a peer out of nowhere... You can even integrate it in a "normal conversation"... But DO NOT ASK! It breaks the flow of the conversation and it makes it harder to deliver. I think that asking also create some kind of fear... Have you listened to the podcast on this topic? http://www.manager-tools.com/2006/10/the-peer-feedback-model
Why I feel great about my peer feedback? I'll start by giving you the background first. I'm a student in College and I've been having major issues with a friend of mine (a "peer"). He was doing some things that really pissed me off over and over. I tried to talk to him about what he did, and how stupid and mean it was. In fact I was arguing with him that his intentions were bad... I was not talking about behaviors so much and I was focusing on things that happened in the past. With MT's feedback model, I've learned that this was inefective and I understood why. This is when I started to give him feedback about his BEHAVIORS and telling him the effects they represented in our relationship. He got it and we didn't argue at all because, as Mark said, Behaviors ARE REAL.
This was the first feedback I've given and guess what? It just worked. My friend got it and he changed his behavior immediately, resulting in a betting relationship. I'm not really good with the model yet and I'm still not comfortable when I'm giving feedback... But when you realize the power of this tool, you can't get rid of it.
How to feel good about giving feedback to a peer? This is simple. You just have to keep in mind that you're not controling them. As Mike said, you're just giving them "sensitive input" but you're not asking for any commitment or any results. If they want to improve, they'll get it.
Let's go with a little example. I'm not really good with feedback, but I think this might help you a bit:
A: Hey B! How are you?
B: I'm fine and you?
A: I'm doing great! So... Are you still working on your boring project?
B: A, when you tell me that my project is boring, * I wonder if you're respecting me and it hurts our relationship.
A: Oh. I'm sorry for that. I wasn't trying to insult you at all!
B: It's ok. :)
A: So, are you still working on that project?
B: Yes! I'm really happy about how things are going..........................
A: ..................
B: ................
..................
*: This is where you should say "here's what happens", but I think it wasn't necessary in this situation.
As you've seen, it's just an "average everyday conversation"... But the feedback is here and it worked. Think about all the others "natural" reactions that we could have used in this situation on line 4:
A: Yes it is (joking, but B is mad now)
I hope it helped a bit. As you can see, I'm not a master of "peer" feedback either, but I'm using it and I really like it :)
Wow Eric
You put a lot of thought into your response. Thank you. I hadn't listened to the peer feedback model for about a year, so I had forgotten that you skip step 1. Nice to hear of your success.
Good luck as you finish up with college.
No problem!
I'm glad you liked my post! This is the first time I can help someone on this forum so I've put some effort in it :)
I hope it helped you on delivering peer feedback more easily :D