Friendships Within The Company - Yes or no?

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified)
in
General Questions and Comments

From his book, the Daily Drucker (April 14), Peter Drucker writes:

"A CEO who has "friendships" within the company, has "social relations" with colleagues, or discusses anything with them except the job, cannot remain impartial - or at least, which is equally damaging, he will not appear as such. Loneliness, distance and formality may be contrary to his temperament - but they are his duty."

How can a manager remain lonely, distant and formal with directs, as Drucker states, and still strive to build relationships with directs through one-on-one's as recommended by Manager Tools?

How do I achieve both?

Regards,

Phil.

Disc: 7117

Submitted by Matt Palmer on Saturday April 13th, 2013 5:37 pm

I'm not sure what the popular "management philosophy" was at the time Peter Drucker wrote that, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was speaking to the often-stated theory that you should become "best friends" with all your people.  As such, it is likely to be somewhat overstated to make the point that you *can't* be friends with your directs, lest you create the impression (or the fact) of favouritism.
To answer your question of achieving both impartiality and relationships, I recommend meditating on the difference between the words "friendly" and "friendship".  A saying from the casts is, "you cannot be friends with your directs, but you *must* be friendly".  Given your DISC profile, I'm not surprised this distinction doesn't come naturally to you (it doesn't to me either, at 7114), but it isn't difficult to achieve the difference.  Largely, it's about engaging in smalltalk and being actively interested in others (is your skin crawling yet? (grin)) without becoming too actively involved in the personal lives of your directs.  Listening for a few minutes about the horrors of moving house?  Friendly.  Helping them to move all weekend?  Friendship.

Submitted by Phil Griffiths on Sunday April 14th, 2013 3:16 pm

Hi Matt,
I just wanted to thank you for taking the time to offer the recommendation. The moving house analogy captures it perfectly.
Regards,
Phil.

Submitted by Michael Peterson on Tuesday April 30th, 2013 7:51 am

For the CEO to have friendships within the organization will make it difficult for him to make the tough choices that may need to be made.  If you are an entry level employee, working in a town where you don't know anybody, I think it would be extroidinarily hard to not develop friendships with some of the people you work.  As well, you are unlikely at that point in your career to have to make decisions that will negatively impact your friends.  However, as you move up in an organization those friends could become directs.  You also may end up being responsible for decisions that your friends don't like and may cost you those friendships.  I also have heard that one of the metrics that correlate for satisfaction at work is having a "best friend" at work.  Of course it is often said "it is lonely at the top". 
-mike